You are living your monotonous life – normal existence - doing things the same way you do. In comes something bad, with the element of surprise, and it hits us hard. It is actually human nature, to go into that kind of ‘shocked’ zone when something we don’t see coming comes our way regardless of it being something good or bad. When we live our normal life, we think we are capable of objective reasoning and we feel pretty confident about it. And that is actually where we go wrong. Because during such a scenario, our mind is in a latent state – unclouded by doubt and free of undue emotions. We think that we are doing all the right things. But, when we are put into a test – the delicate moment we receive a bad news, our mind goes into a bizarre roller coaster ride.
It all starts with denial, a small idea which says to you that you are right, the situation which you are currently experiencing can’t be happening. All the things around you are unreal. No external agent can hinder anything in your universe. These feelings of denial completely take you over.
At this point, there is a fine line dividing feelings of denial and anger. Anger makes you take a completely different route, while on the denial road – you are quiet and the thoughts are inside your own head – anger makes them public and vocal. The exact opposite.
Then according to your nature, you go on the next step can be either aggression or depression. Aggression may involve you getting physical with any elements associated with the ‘bad’ news and taking matters into your own hand – feel in control of something or venting out your belligerence on a totally isolated quantity. Everything that mind feeds you during such a phase sounds right and just. Depression on the other hands incites feelings of confusion and more denial. ‘Trapped’ and ‘hopeless’ are some common words that keep doing the rounds in the head. This phase of aggression or depression can stay on for quite a while.
After losing the battle in your head, you will finally start to bargain with the situation. You let down the strong resistance you were showing and start agreeing to the things. And accepting the facts. You say to yourself that no miracle is going to happen and I might as well go on with the rest of my life. You decide that getting out of this mess is the best step forward as you will be able to focus on other things and that you will be able to think clearly again and that it will be more productive than just wallowing in misery.
Acceptance, finally the roller coaster ends. ‘Trapped’ and ‘hopeless’ are replaced by ‘blessing in disguise’ and ‘glad this happened’ – you start appreciating your life again. And you say to yourself that whatever happened was for the best and it could have been worse. Ultimately we are back to normal existence.
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Normal Existence --> Bad News --> Denial --> Anger --> Aggression/Depression --> Bargain --> Acceptance --> Normal Existence
I am sure you will be able to relate this in some way or the other. You must have experience this hell of a ride many a times in your life. Next time when you are in such a situation, relate this to that situation and try to cut the amount of time you waste in self-pitying and wallowing. Try to accept facts quickly and it will surely help living a better life.
